Holiday Triggers for Survivors

By Janet Bentley

To be honest, most days can be challenging and stressful for survivors.  Unexpected triggers, depression, anxiety, and dissociating are always tugging at us at whatever stage of recovery we are walking through. The holidays can make our normal struggles extra challenging.

It seems that everyone around us is happy, enjoying life and all the joys that holidays can bring. Holiday ads that seem to be everywhere depict perfect families having perfect celebrations with all the trimmings.

The truth is that most of us, whether you are a sexual abuse survivor or not, did not have those picture-perfect childhoods and do not enjoy those picture-perfect holidays.  Many abuse survivors suffered more during the holidays than at any other time.  For myself, it was a time when the alcohol abuse was worse and that meant more, rage, more screaming and more abuse.

Holidays are stressful for survivors because it is a time when memories can flood our minds and the emotions associated with those memories flood our hearts. For me, it feels like I am trying to just survive them while at the same time, it feels like there are so many expectations to be happy and excited.  I am not saying that I don’t feel some of that excitement, and joy but I am saying it can be an extra challenge, and it can be so exhausting that I just want to go back to bed.

As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we were robbed of so much and perhaps are still being robbed of some of those things today. However, whatever the challenge, do not give up!   

What I know to be true is that these struggles get easier to manage.  It is hard work and sometimes it is exhausting to keep making the choices to heal and move forward.  Those coping strategies that kept me safe still call to me.  ESPECIALLY when I am moving towards healing.  They don’t like that.  They would rather me go back to bed, medicate the emotions, and stay far away from any kind of connection.  Making the tough choice to go towards connection and healing is the only way forward.  I am not perfect.  Far from it.  I stumble, make mistakes, and feel like a complete failure at times but I have tasted the joy and the happiness that making those tough choices provides and it is wonderful.  It is calm.  It is peace.  I am worth that.  So are you.

Here’s a link to our Holiday Trauma Plan that I used last year.  It was extremely helpful to me to plan for what I know is a difficult time.