Turning Ugly into Beautiful

I feel so damaged
As if a piece of me has broken
My body feels so bruised
Am I just a hopeless person?

I try not to let it eat me
And I dare not to cry
It hurts me to believe
That it was a simple goodbye

...but I couldn't even speak
Because I didn't know what to say
I stared at this person thought that I'm weak
My voice gone went silent that day

Why do I feel like I failed?
I looked down at the floor
On the ground that it is found
That my eyes produced a tear

I tried not to do so
But I sniffed in a cry
And started shaking too
I must not cry so I must not try

I gripped my hands so tight
As my throat swell and I choke
On the lump inside my throat
Whispers came out as I spoke

I gritted my teeth so much
Will they be turned into dust?
I tried to stop and take a breath
But that didn't work in my fight

It's because of something I did
Or that I didn't do correctly
It feels like I need to be punished
But that's just me only

I thought about what happened to me
When I can only think
My eyes are too fogged to see
That my emotions are on the brink

I hugged myself very tight
Sitting in the chair quite alone
Racing thoughts are within my sight
As I communicate in my heart, tough as stone

I shake, fearing I would cry tonight
I don't want people to think I'm weak
I need to not give up on my fight
If I were to get what I seek

I stare into the darkness
Only to see the night so obsolete
So final and so terrifying the abyss
Is that I fear that I'll never be complete

I have dreams that corrupt my sleep
Some of which I live through again
I felt scared scared to say a peep
Because I lived it as a mean

This injustice is undeserved
My memories are my past
My future is now delivered
But how long will that last?

But I look at my pale skin
Marveling at its physical scars
I wondered what would happen
If I were to be a bird that soars

Inside it feels like I'm ugly
The outside feels like a shell
I always feel very lonely
In my fight against the person from hell

I see my skin and feel odd
It's as if I'm a sad stranger
I don't recognize myself as I should
I saw it as a person who has no fear

What I didn't really understand
Is why I see this strangers reflection
Instead of my own as my body has had
And stress about what was to be seen

Then I realized at that moment 
I'm seeing myself for the first time
Since he took my identity that was meant
To be mine, mine, all mine

I then forced myself a smile
A first in so many weeks I presumed 
I promised myself I'll share
My story and my voice for those in need

I am a survivor and I am damaged 
I need to speak up to what faced in hell
I'm here now but still wounded
Trying to turn ugly into beautiful

By Ashlea K